Feeling Like Being Gutted in a Dark Alley #07

Deborah E: 00:00:00

I'm living inside of this perfectly wonderful world.

Deborah E: 00:00:07

It was literally a case where I was feeling them cut me open, feeling them

Deborah E: 00:00:13

reaching inside me, working inside me.

Deborah E: 00:00:17

Feeling like being gutted in a dark alley, because that literally

Deborah E: 00:00:22

was what I thought was, this is what it feels like to be stabbed.

Michael Anderson: 00:00:28

Join Deborah E., multi-award-winning singer, podcaster, and

Michael Anderson: 00:00:32

speaker, who proves that being diagnosed with a life-changing illness as a child,

Michael Anderson: 00:00:37

along with countless hospitalizations, in a family who told everyone should be dead

Michael Anderson: 00:00:43

before she reached puberty does not have to stand in the way of life well-lived.

Narrator: 00:00:49

The DiabeticReal podcast and the content of its websites are

Narrator: 00:00:52

presented solely for educational purposes and the views and opinions

Narrator: 00:00:54

expressed by guests are theirs alone.

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They do not necessarily reflect that of the host of the podcast.

Narrator: 00:00:58

The content is not intended to substitute for professional medical diagnosis

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advice or treatment ongoing or otherwise.

Narrator: 00:01:05

Be sure to always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified

Narrator: 00:01:07

healthcare provider with any questions regarding your healthcare.

Deborah E: 00:01:10

Okay, this is Deborah and we are here in DiabeticReal

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and this episode is a little bit of a continuation of the last one.

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In the last episode, we were talking about a rural town and it wasn't, you

Deborah E: 00:01:26

know, in all fairness, it wasn't really about the rural, it was, but it wasn't.

Deborah E: 00:01:31

It was about the likelihood of finding doctors or medical staff

Deborah E: 00:01:38

who tend to think that they may.

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Know everything.

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And you're going to find that in big cities too, but where you're

Deborah E: 00:01:48

going to run into problems as far as probability and statistics to be

Deborah E: 00:01:55

able to get the help that you need.

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In those small towns, because of fewer people, and kind of the big head, the

Deborah E: 00:02:05

egotism, and the egotistical behavior, saying, I know everything, and you

Deborah E: 00:02:11

don't know anything, and where that runs into problem, to put simply, the

Deborah E: 00:02:16

last episode we were talking about that poor four year old that did not need

Deborah E: 00:02:20

to lose his precious little life from falling And, between the bleachers.

Deborah E: 00:02:27

But I'm not going to repeat everything that was in that episode.

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If you want to hear the story, you can listen to the

Deborah E: 00:02:34

previous episode, episode six.

Deborah E: 00:02:40

So continuing with that, we're still in the same small town, the same challenges

Deborah E: 00:02:47

as far as the knowledge of the medical record of my radical, my, yes, I can

Deborah E: 00:02:56

talk, my medical record in particular.

Deborah E: 00:03:02

And It wasn't the same doctor.

Deborah E: 00:03:06

It was actually a different doctor, and that's what I mean.

Deborah E: 00:03:08

You have that probability of running into this situation in the smaller

Deborah E: 00:03:12

town because there's fewer people, but that's a different discussion as

Deborah E: 00:03:15

far as, I used to teach graduate level statistics, so that's a different

Deborah E: 00:03:19

discussion as far as the probability and the statistics and so forth.

Deborah E: 00:03:22

But I had this doctor that I was seeing and The, he happened to be a gynecologist

Deborah E: 00:03:30

and he had prescribed birth control because the idea was it, there's a

Deborah E: 00:03:34

little bit of concern as far as how many pregnancies and was that going to

Deborah E: 00:03:38

cause problems as far as the diabetes.

Deborah E: 00:03:40

So just to be safe, I was on birth control so that I wouldn't get pregnant

Deborah E: 00:03:44

again and have too many pregnancies that caused issues and I lose my life.

Deborah E: 00:03:49

It would, it was better to be a mother and be there for my children.

Deborah E: 00:03:55

So I called up the doctor and I said, you know, something.

Deborah E: 00:04:01

It's not right.

Deborah E: 00:04:01

This birth control is not working.

Deborah E: 00:04:04

I can just feel it.

Deborah E: 00:04:05

And I know there's women out there, you know, if you're, if you're hearing this, I

Deborah E: 00:04:09

don't know how to explain it, but we know our bodies, and We can just tell, if it's

Deborah E: 00:04:17

not working, if a woman says the birth control is not working and they can, they

Deborah E: 00:04:21

can feel it, then that doesn't mean that you can always tell if it's not working.

Deborah E: 00:04:27

So any of you women out there, if you didn't sense that the birth control

Deborah E: 00:04:32

pills were not working, that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you.

Deborah E: 00:04:35

I'm just saying that if you did sense it, you probably really are.

Deborah E: 00:04:42

So doctors, listen to women when they're saying that, and test, and you know,

Deborah E: 00:04:47

listen to what they're saying, because we tend to be able to kind of tune into

Deborah E: 00:04:51

our bodies, gynecologically speaking.

Deborah E: 00:04:55

So anyway, I called the doctor, and he treated me like I was a complete idiot.

Deborah E: 00:05:00

And he said, Oh, you don't know anything.

Deborah E: 00:05:02

You don't know what you're talking about.

Deborah E: 00:05:05

I was like, Well, I think I do.

Deborah E: 00:05:07

But if you know, all I was asking for was a doctor's appointment.

Deborah E: 00:05:11

We just let me just come in, because I was pretty sure I needed to have

Deborah E: 00:05:15

birth control pills that were just a little bit stronger, because I

Deborah E: 00:05:18

didn't think these are working.

Deborah E: 00:05:21

And rather than waiting until that time a month to make

Deborah E: 00:05:25

sure that that we could test.

Deborah E: 00:05:27

that it was working.

Deborah E: 00:05:28

I thought I should go see the doctor, but he didn't want to see me.

Deborah E: 00:05:30

He would rather call me an idiot over the phone.

Deborah E: 00:05:33

Okay, so three weeks later, I found out I was pregnant.

Deborah E: 00:05:41

Pregnant with my youngest child.

Deborah E: 00:05:43

So this isn't the first pregnancy.

Deborah E: 00:05:44

We'll get to that story in the future, in the next podcast, actually.

Deborah E: 00:05:49

This is my second pregnancy.

Deborah E: 00:05:51

So yes, I did know what I was talking about.

Deborah E: 00:05:55

And, uh, The doctor, like I said, preferred to just call me an idiot.

Deborah E: 00:06:00

And I called up the doctor and he would not take my calls.

Deborah E: 00:06:04

He Never took my calls thereafter.

Deborah E: 00:06:07

So I don't know if he was just too embarrassed or what.

Deborah E: 00:06:11

But at that point we packed up, moved out of Dodge, so to speak,

Deborah E: 00:06:15

and moved to Minneapolis and St.

Deborah E: 00:06:17

Paul where there were doctors that could handle my high risk pregnancy.

Deborah E: 00:06:21

It was, of course, being diabetic and pregnant.

Deborah E: 00:06:23

We'd already been through this once before with, with the previous pregnancy with me.

Deborah E: 00:06:28

We knew that it was high risk.

Deborah E: 00:06:30

By the mere fact that I was, was diabetic, type 1 diabetic.

Deborah E: 00:06:33

And you'll hear about that pregnancy in the next, next two episodes.

Deborah E: 00:06:37

So, yes, we knew that we needed to be where we could get the, uh,

Deborah E: 00:06:44

medical treatment that was needed.

Deborah E: 00:06:48

So.

Deborah E: 00:06:49

And also, I, I called the doctor.

Deborah E: 00:06:52

Now, you'll hear about, you'll hear about that doctor in the very

Deborah E: 00:06:56

next episode, podcast episode.

Deborah E: 00:06:59

And, uh, we had so much fun with that doctor.

Deborah E: 00:07:02

And of course, I'm being facetious, but.

Deborah E: 00:07:06

He, uh, he didn't want to deal with me, and, uh, so he actually,

Deborah E: 00:07:13

the second time around, he was my doctor for the baby, which is good.

Deborah E: 00:07:19

So he was handling all the decisions that related to the pregnancy, which is good.

Deborah E: 00:07:24

But he actually assigned me to a doctor who is an endocrinologist, which of

Deborah E: 00:07:30

course is the type of doctor that works with diabetics, but also a pediatrician.

Deborah E: 00:07:37

So this was like the perfect combination.

Deborah E: 00:07:40

And, of course, this type of doctor would also be great with, for instance, if a

Deborah E: 00:07:45

child was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes.

Deborah E: 00:07:48

So if there's any risk as far as any of my children becoming type 1 diabetes,

Deborah E: 00:07:53

diabetic, which, by the way, none of my children had type 1 diabetes,

Deborah E: 00:07:57

but if that happened, this doctor would also be the perfect doctor.

Deborah E: 00:08:01

And we, even though we packed up and we moved from the small town, into town so

Deborah E: 00:08:07

that we were closer to Minneapolis/St.

Deborah E: 00:08:09

Paul.

Deborah E: 00:08:09

We actually, uh, rented a room from family.

Deborah E: 00:08:13

And my husband changed jobs so that he was in town.

Deborah E: 00:08:17

But we still had our house out in the rural area.

Deborah E: 00:08:21

And so, you know, after, I'm jumping forward, but after our little girl was

Deborah E: 00:08:26

born, And we moved back out to our house in the, in the country, you know, the

Deborah E: 00:08:30

one out in the lake and all, all this wonderful spacious area and so forth.

Deborah E: 00:08:35

We hadn't sold that house at that point.

Deborah E: 00:08:37

We, we actually did not too long after, after the baby is born.

Deborah E: 00:08:42

But it worked out that when we came in for doctor's appointments for the

Deborah E: 00:08:47

baby, because babies need to be seen by the doctor, especially just being

Deborah E: 00:08:51

the child of a type one diabetic and any concerns as far as, you

Deborah E: 00:08:55

know, Does the baby have any issues?

Deborah E: 00:08:57

And so forth.

Deborah E: 00:08:58

It worked out because she could see a pediatrician and that pediatrician

Deborah E: 00:09:01

was also an endocrinologist.

Deborah E: 00:09:03

So, you know, if you're going to drive in 90 miles.

Deborah E: 00:09:05

to see a doctor, why not have kind of a double appointment?

Deborah E: 00:09:08

So we would set up back to back appointments, and so this was

Deborah E: 00:09:11

the perfect doctor for that.

Deborah E: 00:09:13

But this doctor also got me set up, while I was pregnant,

Deborah E: 00:09:19

on the MiniMed insulin pump.

Deborah E: 00:09:22

Which, I know a lot of diabetics have different opinions as far as what the

Deborah E: 00:09:27

best insulin pump is, but It tends to be, at least, maybe it's because of the

Deborah E: 00:09:35

advertising dollars put into it, but it tends to be the granddaddy of like,

Deborah E: 00:09:38

hey, this is the best insulin pump out there, you know, whatever the opinion

Deborah E: 00:09:41

is, and I'm not going to argue people's opinions, but it's a well known one.

Deborah E: 00:09:46

It's the MiniMed insulin pump, but Shortly after I was put on the MiniMed

Deborah E: 00:09:52

insulin pump, it was purchased, and it's still owned by Medtronic.

Deborah E: 00:09:58

So you will hear it referenced as the Medtronic insulin pump, but

Deborah E: 00:10:03

you'll also hear it referenced as the Medtronic MiniMed insulin pump.

Deborah E: 00:10:07

So Medtronic is the company now, because they purchased MiniMed, but it is MiniMed.

Deborah E: 00:10:14

insulin pump that's owned by Medtronic, the company.

Deborah E: 00:10:19

So you'll kind of hear both, but I generally say Medtronic

Deborah E: 00:10:23

since it is the company.

Deborah E: 00:10:26

Now, as a result of being on the insulin pump, the second

Deborah E: 00:10:31

pregnancy went much, much smoother.

Deborah E: 00:10:35

kind of without incident.

Deborah E: 00:10:36

I mean, it went, it went very well.

Deborah E: 00:10:39

And even though I, I lived in town, so that I was close to the hospital

Deborah E: 00:10:42

and so forth, I didn't have to stay in the hospital as much, which worked

Deborah E: 00:10:46

out really well because I had, I had my children to watch over and that,

Deborah E: 00:10:54

that made it a lot easier and smoother.

Deborah E: 00:10:58

And I had the pump that was able to help me maintain my blood sugars and so forth.

Deborah E: 00:11:02

So.

Deborah E: 00:11:03

That definitely made it much easier, but when it came to the delivery, now,

Deborah E: 00:11:11

I want to say normal women, when you've already had a C-Section, which I'm giving

Deborah E: 00:11:18

you kind of a clue as far as the next couple of podcasts, but I'd already had

Deborah E: 00:11:23

a C-Section with the first pregnancy.

Deborah E: 00:11:25

And when you have a C-Section, normal women that are not type 1, normal

Deborah E: 00:11:30

women, I'm sorry for all my fellow type 1 diabetics, I shouldn't say normal.

Deborah E: 00:11:36

Are any of us on this earth normal?

Deborah E: 00:11:38

Really?

Deborah E: 00:11:38

Truly?

Deborah E: 00:11:39

But anyway, the, it's, it's beautiful that those of us that are type 1

Deborah E: 00:11:45

diabetics are given the opportunity to actually have a natural birth

Deborah E: 00:11:50

and not forced to have a C-Section.

Deborah E: 00:11:54

It used to be that that was the only option for us.

Deborah E: 00:11:57

But, women who do not have type 1 diabetes can have what's called a

Deborah E: 00:12:06

VBAC, and what that means is a vag delivery, which is also known as a

Deborah E: 00:12:11

natural birth, after a C-Section.

Deborah E: 00:12:16

So if they go in and have a C-Section for the first child, they can still

Deborah E: 00:12:20

go in and attempt to have a VBAC.

Deborah E: 00:12:23

a VADS delivery or a natural birth for the second child.

Deborah E: 00:12:27

But that is not generally an option for a type 1 diabetic.

Deborah E: 00:12:32

So if a type 1 diabetic has already had a C-Section, you're kind of

Deborah E: 00:12:38

slotted for a C-Section for subsequent.

Deborah E: 00:12:42

pregnancies.

Deborah E: 00:12:44

Now, I'm not going to complain because I think it's great that we've made strides

Deborah E: 00:12:48

that allow type 1 diabetics to even have vag deliveries or natural birth.

Deborah E: 00:12:54

So, hey, we're making progress.

Deborah E: 00:12:56

That's good.

Deborah E: 00:12:56

That's really good.

Deborah E: 00:12:57

And I'm the type that I want to be thankful for the cup half full.

Deborah E: 00:13:00

So this is good.

Deborah E: 00:13:02

But for me, since I'd had a C-Section, I was slotted.

Deborah E: 00:13:05

It's like having an appointment.

Deborah E: 00:13:07

I had an appointment for a C-Section.

Deborah E: 00:13:11

So, I go in there and it's It's a surgical appointment.

Deborah E: 00:13:15

You go in, you're ready to go have, to go get cut open and have the baby come out.

Deborah E: 00:13:22

The only problem is It looked like I was being stabbed in a dark alley.

Deborah E: 00:13:31

Now, my husband was invited there, into the surgery, into the operating room,

Deborah E: 00:13:39

and of course, you know, sterile and the whole thing, and I wasn't, as those

Deborah E: 00:13:43

of you know, like a C-Section, you're not knocked out, you're actually awake

Deborah E: 00:13:47

so that you can see what's going on.

Deborah E: 00:13:49

But there was some problem with, I won't, I don't want to go into too much detail.

Deborah E: 00:13:53

I don't want people throwing up while they're listening to the podcast episode,

Deborah E: 00:13:57

but there was some problem with where things were placed as far as, um, as

Deborah E: 00:14:04

we were trying to get the baby out.

Deborah E: 00:14:05

Let's put it this way.

Deborah E: 00:14:06

My poor little baby right near her eyebrow scratched on the bottom of

Deborah E: 00:14:11

my rib cage, trying to pull her out.

Deborah E: 00:14:13

But.

Deborah E: 00:14:15

Also, one of the, I don't know, I don't understand fully, I'm not a doctor, I'm

Deborah E: 00:14:21

not a surgeon, and I think I would pass out from blood, but one of, one of the

Deborah E: 00:14:25

vessels kind of sprayed all over in the operating room, so if you picture, you

Deborah E: 00:14:28

know, like a, a hose, like if you're playing with the, um, um, A garden hose

Deborah E: 00:14:33

in your backyard, and, and you're kind of flailing it around and getting water

Deborah E: 00:14:37

all over and you, you know, you're as a kid and you're just playing with water

Deborah E: 00:14:40

and stuff, well picture that except you're talking about a blood vessel.

Deborah E: 00:14:45

That I did see, but I could not speak.

Deborah E: 00:14:51

And the reason being I was feeling pain like I had never felt before.

Deborah E: 00:15:02

I don't know how to explain it except that what was going through my mind at

Deborah E: 00:15:06

the time was so this is what it feels like to be gutted in a dark alley.

Deborah E: 00:15:18

Now, I know, that's not what you want to think when you're delivering

Deborah E: 00:15:21

a precious little bundle of joy.

Deborah E: 00:15:25

My daughter, but for whatever reason, the painkiller was not working at all.

Deborah E: 00:15:34

It was literally a case where I was feeling them cut me open, feeling them,

Deborah E: 00:15:41

I don't know how many hands, reaching inside me, working inside me, and I

Deborah E: 00:15:48

was in so much pain, I couldn't talk.

Deborah E: 00:15:54

I don't know if medicine was affecting it, what it was, all that

Deborah E: 00:15:57

was happening is so much water was coming out of my eyes, the crying.

Deborah E: 00:16:04

I couldn't murmur.

Deborah E: 00:16:05

I couldn't whimper.

Deborah E: 00:16:07

I couldn't anything.

Deborah E: 00:16:08

It was just, the tears were just pouring like a river out of both of my eyes.

Deborah E: 00:16:15

And that, that's why I called the podcast episode, Feeling Like

Deborah E: 00:16:21

Being Gutted in a Dark Alley.

Deborah E: 00:16:23

Because that literally was what I thought was, this is what

Deborah E: 00:16:27

it feels like to be stabbed.

Deborah E: 00:16:31

And to actually, not that I ever desired to have that feeling, but

Deborah E: 00:16:35

it's, it's not like if you're going to be stabbed, someone's going

Deborah E: 00:16:37

to give you a painkiller first.

Deborah E: 00:16:39

But it's like, so this is what it feels like.

Deborah E: 00:16:41

This is excruciating.

Deborah E: 00:16:44

And that is not like, uh, since I, I'd had a C-Section before, and sure

Deborah E: 00:16:49

that was, that was difficult, but that's not like the first C-Section.

Deborah E: 00:16:54

Which is more like what it's supposed to be like.

Deborah E: 00:16:57

Fortunately, my husband.

Deborah E: 00:17:00

was sitting next to me.

Deborah E: 00:17:03

And he's like, Honey, are you feeling that?

Deborah E: 00:17:07

And I took everything I had within me to try to nod.

Deborah E: 00:17:13

I couldn't really nod my head.

Deborah E: 00:17:15

I was just trying to blink to say, Yes, I'm feeling that.

Deborah E: 00:17:19

I willed myself to try to respond to my husband to say, Yes, I'm feeling this.

Deborah E: 00:17:24

And he fortunately, you know, enough years of marriage, he could tell.

Deborah E: 00:17:29

And he right away, I He got a hold of, of the nurses and they got someone

Deborah E: 00:17:34

and they're like, she's feeling this.

Deborah E: 00:17:36

She is actually feeling you guys inside her body.

Deborah E: 00:17:43

And they took care of it right away.

Deborah E: 00:17:44

They gave me morphine or something.

Deborah E: 00:17:47

Now, I have to admit, after that, I was really scared.

Deborah E: 00:17:50

I mean, you know, we went through, they gave me the morphine.

Deborah E: 00:17:53

I was so terrified.

Deborah E: 00:17:54

They gave me like this little, you know, the thing with the, where you can push the

Deborah E: 00:17:58

button and give yourself more morphine.

Deborah E: 00:18:00

I was so scared because I thought, what if I stop with the morphine

Deborah E: 00:18:05

and I start feeling that again?

Deborah E: 00:18:07

I'm gonna feel like someone's gutting me.

Deborah E: 00:18:10

So.

Deborah E: 00:18:12

I was really glad that, that this gal, she actually used to work in a rehab or

Deborah E: 00:18:17

something, that they gave me a placebo so they could ease me off, because it

Deborah E: 00:18:21

was, even the next day they still had this machine attached with a painkiller.

Deborah E: 00:18:26

And when I was pushing the button, I was getting the placebo.

Deborah E: 00:18:30

Because there was so much morphine in my body from the surgery that they would

Deborah E: 00:18:35

hand me my little precious baby, I'd be holding her, and I'd, like, knock out.

Deborah E: 00:18:40

I didn't even know that I was, like, falling asleep.

Deborah E: 00:18:43

And, oh, thank God there was always a nurse, or my husband right

Deborah E: 00:18:48

there, holding the baby with me.

Deborah E: 00:18:51

Because, oh my goodness, I can't even imagine.

Deborah E: 00:18:55

But, fortunately, we were able to ease off the morphine.

Deborah E: 00:18:59

I never want to take morphine again.

Deborah E: 00:19:00

Ever.

Deborah E: 00:19:01

Ever.

Deborah E: 00:19:01

But, when you feel like you're being gutted, I needed something

Deborah E: 00:19:07

so that I could talk again.

Deborah E: 00:19:09

Because that was, that was crazy painful.

Deborah E: 00:19:12

But, short of that, no thank you.

Deborah E: 00:19:16

Don't offer me morphine again.

Deborah E: 00:19:18

No thank you.

Deborah E: 00:19:20

So, uh, yeah, that was an interesting delivery.

Deborah E: 00:19:25

And I'm so thankful for.

Deborah E: 00:19:29

The medical staff at that hospital in St.

Deborah E: 00:19:31

Paul, that they knew what they were doing.

Deborah E: 00:19:34

That whatever happened that the medicine didn't take, as far as the

Deborah E: 00:19:42

C-Section, I don't blame them for that.

Deborah E: 00:19:44

But I'm glad that under the circumstances, they did what needed

Deborah E: 00:19:47

to be done, and they took care of me.

Deborah E: 00:19:50

And then they helped to ease the situation back into some normalcy, and first and

Deborah E: 00:19:56

foremost, they protected my little baby girl and made sure that she was safe,

Deborah E: 00:20:00

because that was the most important.

Deborah E: 00:20:02

Also, so thankful that the doctor put me on that insulin pump, which, on the

Deborah E: 00:20:09

insulin pump, because even though I've gone through several upgrades since then,

Deborah E: 00:20:12

it's obviously not the same insulin pump.

Deborah E: 00:20:15

But I am still using a version of Medtronic insulin pump, and it

Deborah E: 00:20:21

has helped me to be very healthy and still alive, and I'm thankful.

Deborah E: 00:20:28

So just another story on the life of a real diabetic here on DiabeticReal.

Deborah E: 00:20:39

And this is Deborah signing off.

Michael Anderson: 00:20:41

Thank you for listening to this episode of DiabeticReal.

Michael Anderson: 00:20:45

For more information about this podcast, as well as links and fun

Michael Anderson: 00:20:50

stuff related to DiabeticReal, visit us at our website at diabeticReal.com.

Michael Anderson: 00:20:56

Now we'll listen as Deborah E.

Michael Anderson: 00:20:58

herself sings one of her favorite songs.

Michael Anderson: 00:21:02

The song is called, Perfectly Wonderful World.

Michael Anderson: 00:21:05

Written by Denny Martin and Jaimee Paul, engineered by me, of course, your host,

Michael Anderson: 00:21:12

Michael, in our Seaside Records studio here in lovely Los Angeles, California.

Michael Anderson: 00:21:18

It was on the number one Reverbnation charts for over a year.

Michael Anderson: 00:21:23

It's still charts very well.

Michael Anderson: 00:21:25

So have a pleasant moment and listen to Perfectly Wonderful World.

Deborah E: 00:21:30

Yes, I'm living inside of this Perfectly Wonderful World.

Deborah E: 00:21:39

Oh,

Deborah E: 00:21:47

mmm.