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March 4, 2024

Please Don’t Break My Baby! #09

Please Don’t Break My Baby! #09
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Season 1

This DiabeticReal episode is all about Deborah E's decision of whether to choose herself and her little girl dream of being “normal” or the possible dream of her unborn child. She knows what she wants, but what about her son?

From her struggles with the medical team to the heart-wrenching decision of whether to break her baby's collarbone for delivery, she takes us on a roller-coaster of emotions during the 36 hours of labor. 

Despite the hardships, she highlights the power of resilience and the unexpected joy that comes with making sacrifices for the ones we love. Tune in to this raw and honest episode that sheds light on the complexities of life with diabetes and the strength found in facing challenges head-on instead of hiding.

Chapters

  • 00:00 Introduction and Review
  • 08:08 Doctor's behavior improved after sharing her passion.
  • 12:59 Mom sacrifices her dream to protect son’s future.
  • 15:05 Husband thought wife had died, discovered emergency surgery.
  • 18:45 Successful pregnancy resulting in healthy baby boy.
  • 20:06 Closing


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Chapters

00:00 - Introduction and Review

08:08 - Doctor's behavior improved after sharing her passion.

12:59 - Mom sacrifices her dream to protect son’s future.

15:05 - Husband thought wife had died, discovered emergency surgery.

18:45 - Successful pregnancy resulting in healthy baby boy.

20:06 - Closing

Transcript
Deborah E:

I'm living inside of this Perfectly Wonderful World.

Deborah E:

Desperately wanting to be a normal woman.

Deborah E:

To give birth the way women have been doing it for centuries.

Deborah E:

And actually had that chance.

Deborah E:

Even being a type 1 diabetic.

Deborah E:

I could have had my dream come true.

Deborah E:

If I'd just broken my baby.

Deborah E:

But.

Deborah E:

Would I have been taking one of his dreams away from him, even before he was born?

Michael Anderson:

Join Deborah E, multi-award-winning singer, podcaster, and

Michael Anderson:

speaker, who proves that being diagnosed with a life-changing illness as a child,

Michael Anderson:

along with countless hospitalizations, and a family who told everyone should be dead

Michael Anderson:

before she reached puberty does not have to stand in the way of life well-lived.

Narrator:

The DiabeticReal podcast and the content of its websites are

Narrator:

presented solely for educational purposes and the views and opinions

Narrator:

expressed by guests do not necessarily reflect that of the host of the podcast.

Narrator:

The content is not intended to substitute for professional medical

Narrator:

diagnosis advice or treatment ongoing or otherwise Be sure to always seek

Narrator:

the advice of your physician or other qualified healthcare provider with any

Narrator:

questions regarding your healthcare.

Deborah E:

Hello everyone.

Deborah E:

All right, we are returning to this episode, which is sort of a part

Deborah E:

two from the last episode where we were talking about pregnancy and

Deborah E:

everything that led up to the fun part, which is the delivery of the baby.

Deborah E:

I won't go over the whole summary of that episode because you can

Deborah E:

certainly go listen to that one.

Deborah E:

But the part that is helpful to know is that the perinatologist , in other

Deborah E:

words, the specialist that dealt with high risk, they said he's brilliant,

Deborah E:

brilliant doctor that used to um, do surgeries on little teeny, teeny

Deborah E:

tiny babies that were in uterine.

Deborah E:

Expert, brilliant doctor, but he reminded me of Dr.

Deborah E:

House on the television show and so because I want to protect his

Deborah E:

identity and not refer to him By his actual name as much as I'd like to

Deborah E:

give him credit I don't believe in in mentioning him without his permission.

Deborah E:

So I've been referring to him by Dr House because I found him a little challenging

Deborah E:

as far as Getting along with him, I'm sure that he found the same thing with me, and

Deborah E:

I, I, you know, I received that and say, yep, probably, we had a few rubs, and I

Deborah E:

mean that as far as getting along, and so I thought that referring to him as Dr.

Deborah E:

House as far as my I, perspective on our relationship, but also giving

Deborah E:

him credit for his brilliance.

Deborah E:

I thought that was a suitable name.

Deborah E:

So as a prelude, you know, I, I get to the point where, yes, I'm, you

Deborah E:

know, all that fun stuff, water broke, everything, I'm ready for delivery

Deborah E:

and they actually had induced labor.

Deborah E:

So, you know, today's the day.

Deborah E:

And I'm fortunate to live in a time where diabetics can actually,

Deborah E:

you know, be encouraged to have what's called a VAG delivery.

Deborah E:

Because it used to be, as I mentioned in one of the earlier podcasts, it

Deborah E:

used to be that all type 1 diabetics, especially, they had to have a C-Section,

Deborah E:

where you cut the baby out, you know, you, it's through a surgery, because

Deborah E:

you Couldn't control the blood sugars during a natural birth, but now in this

Deborah E:

day and age It's you know the techniques and the methods and so forth It's I

Deborah E:

wouldn't I you know, I hate to say it's easier because it's not like it's it's

Deborah E:

easy per se to control blood sugars.

Deborah E:

It's, you know, all those in the English language, the superlatives and

Deborah E:

dealing with easy, easier, easiest.

Deborah E:

It's not easy to control blood sugars, but it's easier to control

Deborah E:

them than it was, say, 30 years ago.

Deborah E:

There are, um, better methodologies.

Deborah E:

So there's at least that chance that a diabetic could have a VAG delivery.

Deborah E:

So, I really, you know, I was aiming for that.

Deborah E:

I wanted, hey, I wanted to do this the way women have been doing it for,

Deborah E:

for eons, for thousands of years, or, you know, however, the way, the way

Deborah E:

mammals do it, the way dogs do it.

Deborah E:

Okay, probably it's not really beneficial to compare it to dogs.

Deborah E:

That just sounds wrong somehow.

Deborah E:

But you know what I mean?

Deborah E:

The way critters are out there in the mammalian, you get what I'm saying.

Deborah E:

Okay, so, That was my goal, is to not have to do it by way of a

Deborah E:

knife, so I was trying to do that.

Deborah E:

And as I ended the last podcast episode, you know, you hear mothers

Deborah E:

say, You have no idea, I was in labor for 78 hours having you and you should

Deborah E:

have more respect for me after that.

Deborah E:

Well, I'm not just saying it when I say I really was in labor

Deborah E:

for 36 hours with his child.

Deborah E:

But after you hear some of the fun times we had during, and

Deborah E:

I am being a bit facetious.

Deborah E:

The fun times we had during this process.

Deborah E:

You'll understand why it was 36 hours.

Deborah E:

So, first of all, I was, you know, a little put out, but Dr.

Deborah E:

House was not there.

Deborah E:

I thought, after he's accused me of trying to expel the insulin, which I wasn't,

Deborah E:

obviously, and after, you know, All the different things that went on during the,

Deborah E:

leading up to trying to deliver this baby.

Deborah E:

And I don't know if he was at a conference, whatever

Deborah E:

it was, he wasn't available.

Deborah E:

Now, he had other doctors that worked with him.

Deborah E:

And one of the doctors that worked with him, I got along with him really well.

Deborah E:

I thought he was wonderful.

Deborah E:

And I guess it turned out that I thought he was wonderful

Deborah E:

because Well, according to Dr.

Deborah E:

House, it was because I was able to manipulate him.

Deborah E:

I wasn't thinking about it.

Deborah E:

It's not like I set out and said, Oh, I'm going to go manipulate this doctor.

Deborah E:

But I suppose, because I got whatever I asked for, then I liked that

Deborah E:

doctor, I suppose, subconsciously.

Deborah E:

That's probably how it was regis registering in my brain.

Deborah E:

And because of that, Dr.

Deborah E:

House reassigned him to some other department or whatever so

Deborah E:

that he couldn't work with me so I couldn't get what I wanted.

Deborah E:

I was sad because he was just a very friendly doctor.

Deborah E:

And, um, So there's this other doctor, this gal, and I'm

Deborah E:

just going to call her Dr.

Deborah E:

Cancer.

Deborah E:

And she was not the friendliest of doctors.

Deborah E:

She was actually, she almost had this kind of, you know the, the mean girl?

Deborah E:

That's, that's what I thought about her.

Deborah E:

It's like she was a grown up woman version of the mean girl in high school.

Deborah E:

And she just was not very kind, not very warm.

Deborah E:

And it was like, wow, she is not anything like this doctor that was

Deborah E:

moved on to another department.

Deborah E:

And, but And I tried to figure out how to get along with her and have a nice

Deborah E:

working relationship and so forth.

Deborah E:

Well, she was the doctor that was assigned to me.

Deborah E:

And I thought, oh, this is not the warm fuzzies that you get.

Deborah E:

You're going to deliver, bring a baby into this world and this is

Deborah E:

the doctor that's assigned to you?

Deborah E:

But, hey.

Deborah E:

Beggars can't be choosers kind of things.

Deborah E:

And I just want a capable, intelligent doctor that can handle this.

Deborah E:

And I was told she could handle it.

Deborah E:

Now, she wasn't a perinatologist like Dr.

Deborah E:

House, but certainly she can handle the situation better than

Deborah E:

me trying to do it on my own.

Deborah E:

So, we'd just go with it.

Deborah E:

Besides, at this point, my water had broken, so we just gotta

Deborah E:

get down, down to business.

Deborah E:

Well, it turns out, during the first part of the delivery, I found out that the

Deborah E:

reason that she'd been kinda grumpy and seemed mean was that her passion was to

Deborah E:

work with those who are dying of cancer and that she didn't want to work in OBGYN.

Deborah E:

So she wasn't trying to be mean, it just was coming out in the way she was

Deborah E:

behaving, and this was a part of her.

Deborah E:

her rounds.

Deborah E:

She had to work in different departments as a part of her

Deborah E:

training as a resident and a doctor.

Deborah E:

And it was like as soon as she told my husband that and told, told

Deborah E:

me that, it was like a release.

Deborah E:

And all of a sudden she became the nicest doctor.

Deborah E:

It was like she felt better being able to share that and

Deborah E:

we felt better understanding that it wasn't us personally.

Deborah E:

It was just that that wasn't where she wanted to work, but

Deborah E:

that she had to do that as a part of her duties in her training.

Deborah E:

Cause it's, oh, I didn't, I didn't mention it, but this was a teaching hospital.

Deborah E:

So, that worked out, that before the baby came into this world,

Deborah E:

that we had this all worked out with a doctor, so that was good.

Deborah E:

But that's why I'm calling her Dr.

Deborah E:

Cancer, cause we found out that that was what, what her specialty was.

Deborah E:

The first part of the delivery process, pretty normal, I got an

Deborah E:

epidural that helped with the pain.

Deborah E:

It was working out or so we thought.

Deborah E:

I remember, you know, when I was a kid, I'd say, Wow, this is

Deborah E:

going to be really embarrassing.

Deborah E:

The doctor's going to see private parts.

Deborah E:

And my mother said, Oh, you know, at that point when you're delivering a

Deborah E:

baby, you don't worry about those things.

Deborah E:

You don't care who sees what, because you just want to get that baby out.

Deborah E:

Well.

Deborah E:

I was sitting there and Dr.

Deborah E:

Cancer said, we have a bunch of students and they've never seen, because at one

Deborah E:

point they're like, we're going to use a forcept and try to get the, the baby out.

Deborah E:

And I thought, not real keen on the forcep idea, but I wasn't being, I was,

Deborah E:

I couldn't get this kid out, you know.

Deborah E:

And, I'm just like, whatever.

Deborah E:

I don't care that there's 10 people in this small room.

Deborah E:

It wasn't that small, but you put 10 people in any size room like

Deborah E:

that and it gets kind of crowded.

Deborah E:

So yeah, there's 10 people trying to watch this delivery.

Deborah E:

I don't care.

Deborah E:

By the time we were done, there's way more than 10 people in, in the final room.

Deborah E:

But anyway.

Deborah E:

I just remember thinking, you know, a person just doesn't care at that point.

Deborah E:

They just want to get the job done.

Deborah E:

So yes, all the students came in.

Deborah E:

I just, I hope they learned something, whatever it was they were watching as

Deborah E:

far as the procedure that she was doing.

Deborah E:

So we're, we're at like 24 hours and I still cannot get this kid out.

Deborah E:

And I remember that.

Deborah E:

I don't know if it was just that Dr.

Deborah E:

Cancer was so tired and she's telling jokes and my, my husband is, is

Deborah E:

laughing and I'm, I'm sitting there thinking, you know, excuse me.

Deborah E:

I'm having a baby here.

Deborah E:

It's, you know, I'm, you're over here cracking jokes, laughing

Deborah E:

and tipping back and I'm having a contraction because I'm having a baby.

Deborah E:

Excuse me, you know, because they wanted me to tell them every

Deborah E:

time, but it was like, you who?

Deborah E:

Yoo hoo, I'm having a baby.

Deborah E:

The process was that I had this little baby that he wasn't that big.

Deborah E:

He was like a little string bean.

Deborah E:

But he was really long and he had these, this wide, wide shoulders.

Deborah E:

And they said, we can get this baby out if we break his collarbone.

Deborah E:

And I was like, what?

Deborah E:

Now, as I understand, this is actually done more frequently

Deborah E:

than I knew at that time.

Deborah E:

But I thought, what?

Deborah E:

You, you want to break my baby to get him out?

Deborah E:

I said, well, yeah, he'll, he'll heal up.

Deborah E:

He's, you know, baby's bones are kind of soft and they'll just,

Deborah E:

we'll just break the bone and then when, after he comes out, he'll, his

Deborah E:

bone will heal and he'll be fine.

Deborah E:

But all I could think about was, you know, I keep saying he.

Deborah E:

Obviously, it's a he.

Deborah E:

I knew it was a boy.

Deborah E:

And, by the way, I'm not being gender specific, even if it was a little girl.

Deborah E:

Either way, I'm thinking sports.

Deborah E:

And if this baby wants to do something in the sports realm, I was picturing,

Deborah E:

you know, let's say football.

Deborah E:

If he wants to go play football, Is breaking his collarbone going

Deborah E:

to stop him from playing football?

Deborah E:

Is it going to stop him if he has an uncle that went and became a

Deborah E:

major player for different states?

Deborah E:

A pro football player?

Deborah E:

I mean, is this going to stop this little boy?

Deborah E:

It's not that I need my son to become a pro football player, but will this

Deborah E:

decision that I'm making mean that he cannot be a pro football player?

Deborah E:

So, I went into this situation desperately wanting to be a normal woman, being

Deborah E:

allowed to give birth the way women have been doing it for centuries, and

Deborah E:

actually had that chance, even being a type 1 diabetic, I had that chance to do

Deborah E:

that, and I could have taken that chance.

Deborah E:

I could have had my dream come true.

Deborah E:

If I'd just broken my baby.

Deborah E:

But, would I have been taking one of his dreams away from

Deborah E:

him, even before he was born?

Deborah E:

And you can't, you can't know that because he hasn't been born yet.

Deborah E:

But the thought of removing a dream from him I couldn't do that.

Deborah E:

So I sacrificed my own dream and I said, no, no, don't, don't break my baby.

Deborah E:

Don't break his bone just to get him born.

Deborah E:

They'd already tried the forceps, which left a little bit of a dent in his head.

Deborah E:

Yes, it healed, but that was bad enough.

Deborah E:

And, um, Or no, you know what?

Deborah E:

I've been saying forceps.

Deborah E:

It was not forceps.

Deborah E:

It was a vacuum, which almost is just as bad.

Deborah E:

It left a little, little bruised ring, which healed.

Deborah E:

I've been saying forceps.

Deborah E:

No, it wasn't forceps.

Deborah E:

It was a vacuum.

Deborah E:

Because that upset my mother, who works, she's an RN and she works in

Deborah E:

another hospital, in the postpartum and labor and delivery and so forth.

Deborah E:

So she was very upset by the fact that they did that.

Deborah E:

And did that on her grandbaby, but honestly, they were

Deborah E:

just trying to get him out.

Deborah E:

And I had been in labor at this point, it was 33 hours.

Deborah E:

And they're like, we are going to lose you if we don't figure

Deborah E:

out some way to get him out.

Deborah E:

Because I was losing blood.

Deborah E:

I was losing, I was headed towards losing consciousness.

Deborah E:

And, uh, my husband had to go, had to leave to go take care

Deborah E:

of something family related.

Deborah E:

And when he returned, All that was in the room there, because they had actually

Deborah E:

moved me in to have surgery, and all that was in the room was this puddle of blood.

Deborah E:

And they had not communicated with him.

Deborah E:

And he actually thought.

Deborah E:

And the lack of communication, they thought, he thought that I had died,

Deborah E:

and he just sat down with his, his head in his hands, and it was like,

Deborah E:

he couldn't believe, I mean he'd been going through 30 hours, 33 hours, and

Deborah E:

now his wife has passed, even before the baby's born, and fortunately a nurse

Deborah E:

came in right after that and told him, no, no, no, they just, they rushed her

Deborah E:

over to, to surgery, and she's fine.

Deborah E:

And, and took him over there.

Deborah E:

So I, I can't remember if he, I think he scrubbed up and

Deborah E:

actually could come in the room.

Deborah E:

I remember when I came to, it was a very, very large surgery room.

Deborah E:

Larger than normal.

Deborah E:

It almost looked like a small gymnasium or something.

Deborah E:

It was very large.

Deborah E:

And of course it was prepared for anything to go wrong.

Deborah E:

I was, I was pretty bad off by that point.

Deborah E:

And But they were ready for it.

Deborah E:

I mean, I have to give kudos to the doctors, the surgeons, the whole

Deborah E:

medical staff, and the hospital.

Deborah E:

They were ready for whatever was coming their way, and I think it was an epidural.

Deborah E:

Whatever it was, they had to give me to, you know, they didn't knock me

Deborah E:

out completely, although I was almost unconscious just from um, Everything

Deborah E:

that I'd already been through, but they had to give me an epidural as far

Deborah E:

as the pain relief for the C-Section.

Deborah E:

And they give you all the warning, you know, sit still, you can't move

Deborah E:

this way, you can't move that way, or, you know, this is going to happen,

Deborah E:

and, you know, blah, blah, blah.

Deborah E:

And I couldn't even Sit up at all.

Deborah E:

I didn't even have the strength to be able to sit and I was supposed to lean

Deborah E:

over like a table with pillows the whole thing, so they had like nurses come over

Deborah E:

and hold me up and I can say this because I don't think that this will identify

Deborah E:

who the person was, but there was this nurse there and she'd worked in the army,

Deborah E:

an army nurse and her name was Cookie.

Deborah E:

I love that name Cookie and She came and she said, you know

Deborah E:

what forget all these pillows.

Deborah E:

We're just going to do it this way and it sounds inappropriate But I'm

Deborah E:

telling you when a person cannot hold themselves up because they are so weak

Deborah E:

that they have no strength left To hold themselves up and if they don't hold

Deborah E:

themselves up They're at risk for damage to their body like permanent damage.

Deborah E:

You got to do what you got to do So she says, honey, just, just lean into me.

Deborah E:

And Cookie was a large woman, very well, she was experienced woman.

Deborah E:

She just said, lean into me.

Deborah E:

And I literally fell into her quite ample bosom.

Deborah E:

I just fell under and she just held on to me.

Deborah E:

held me straight up and then they gave me the epidural and she gently laid

Deborah E:

me down and I was kind of in and out.

Deborah E:

I don't remember a whole lot, but they got the C-Section done.

Deborah E:

They had the isolate ready because they didn't know what

Deborah E:

to expect as far as the baby.

Deborah E:

So they had him ready for neonatal intensive care.

Deborah E:

The, the NIC unit.

Deborah E:

Turns out that, that he was fine, but they were ready for him.

Deborah E:

For anything that might have gone wrong as far as concerns with the, the delivery.

Deborah E:

And turns out that he was okay.

Deborah E:

And still okay, by the way.

Deborah E:

And he didn't end up being a football player.

Deborah E:

He ended up winning awards as far as an actor and intellect.

Deborah E:

So, that worked out, but still.

Deborah E:

I gave him the opportunity that if he did turn out to be a pro football player,

Deborah E:

like his great uncle, that was an option.

Deborah E:

But that was, uh, after 36 hours of labor, we got him out safe and

Deborah E:

sound, and the only loss there was, yes, the loss of my dream, but we

Deborah E:

all came out of it safe and sound.

Deborah E:

And a bouncing, happy baby boy.

Deborah E:

Yes, all good things.

Deborah E:

So if you take anything, learn anything from that one, sometimes things don't

Deborah E:

work out exactly the way you plan.

Deborah E:

Be ready for creative twists and turns and ready for what you need to do to

Deborah E:

find the healthiest path and the way through to the healthiest ending.

Deborah E:

This is Deborah E signing off on DiabeticReal.

Michael Anderson:

Thank you for listening to this episode of DiabeticReal.

Michael Anderson:

For more information about this podcast, as well as links and fun

Michael Anderson:

stuff related to DiabeticReal, visit us at our website at diabeticreal.com.

Michael Anderson:

Now, we'll listen as Deborah E.

Michael Anderson:

herself sings one of her favorite songs.

Michael Anderson:

Song is called Perfectly Wonderful World.

Michael Anderson:

Written by Denny Martin and Jaimee Paul, engineered by me, of course, your host,

Michael Anderson:

Michael, in our Seaside Records Studio here in lovely Los Angeles, California.

Michael Anderson:

It was on the number one ReverbNation charts for over a

Michael Anderson:

year and still charts very well.

Michael Anderson:

So have a pleasant moment and listen to ... Perfectly Wonderful World.

Michael Anderson:

Yes, I'm

Deborah E:

living inside of this Perfectly Wonderful World.